It's 4am.

In the middle of watching the movie 30 days of night... Because I like Alaska and cold country. I hate warm country. I swear I was an Eskimo in a past life. I love being cold. Is that weird?

Mums here, she's been here since Thursday night. So we have been drinking, smoking and laughing. Kim has really enjoyed it too... I can't stop thinking about the volunteering opertunity..

They want me to talk about my past with BPD and present. They want me to be honest, I would be the only male, which is rare since most males are in jail... Or just don't want to admit it... I could be an inspiration to help people. I could make a difference if I played this well... I would be so proud of myself... But I am scared, what if I fuck up? I'm not going to avoid this though..

I feel guilty because I haven't meditated in two weeks, I've been very judgemental towards myself. Nasty, not been kind to myself, it's good I'm recognising those bad feelings though...

I got my optigrill and by god it's amazing

It makes the best toasties ever. It cooks fish and meat from frozen too!

I've also been thinking. I want to skydive. Nah I really do, I want to try it but I want to make a go fund me to raise money for my sweet little Mila-Moo's condition. A lot of family's don't have the money to travel to England or afford the therapy for this.. I just want to do my bit for Mila but for her charity... I'm her uncle and I want to be a good uncle to her. So I'm going to look into it. I would honestly do it. I'd record it with a go pro or something. Would you support me?

Not going to lie to you blogger times are hard right now, money is low, tensions are high, depression is kicking in... Times are hard, I have support but ... Yeah.. But it's just one of those days where you feel sad... I wish I could talk about it more but yeah.. I'm not really wanting too? If I want to write down how I feel I write a note in my notes on my phone.... 

So, I am going to quick learning course to improve my English and maths. That's Monday and have a meeting to arrange that with Neil... Then I look towards college while volunteering.. Should be fu. Right? 

I'm busy and my avoidance and judgementalness is getting pissed off at me being so busy and not feeling sorry for myself! 

I keep a lot of shit to myself, apart from Kim I tell her everything. She's my woman. Anyway let's wrap it up fi here a dinni wantae gab in inglis.. Bahye

Fuckers.