Mila had a little acceident so she had to get a cast. But she's not letting that effect her, she's having a blast and it's brillaint to see.
Friday, 9 September 2016
Mila's big adventure.
So Andrew, Kirsty and Mila are in Austrailia right now and my mum decided to send me some pictures of Mila enjoying herself in Austrailia
Wednesday, 7 September 2016
Damn.
Wanting to go on holiday with Kim, flights are £130 (good) train is £30 all together (amazing) but hotel is like £600?! What the hell?! How can they do that? I bet when we actually arrive the prices will be lower.. They are wanting 85 a night...... In Edinburgh you get bed and breakfasts for like 25 a night... How can they justify that? This place is amazing but it's not a capital.... Then there's spending money, say £500/£600 and this place isn't even warm LOL! Oh well it will be a journey. Obviously keeping tight lipt about where it is.... (Haha kimmi you won't find out;) ) anyway good morning everyone it's 6 am and I have DBT and I'm excited. Well not really.... Haven't been meditating for ages now. I get guilty at myself... Kims away visiting her mum and dad in Ayrshire. I almost killed myself last night.... You see I have had the windows open because of the heat... So a nice big daddy long legs comes flying in and starts attacking my light bulb.... I spray it with spray killer. Sprayed far too fucking much. Couldn't breathe had to run out that room . Anyway I got a pillow and breathed into that over my nose and mouth and opened the living room window wider with the lights off... So I woke up had a nice dream about traveling and thought I would google prices on it.., trivago is a lot of shite.. Maybe we can just go. For three days instead of seven... Hmmm... But that's no fun. Three days isnae long enough. Fuck it il do it. I've always wanted to go there anyway :)
By the way. I have. Bone to pick with DBT. I've been told not to be judgemental and ignorant so I was speaking to someone two nights ago.. I can't really say too much info but basically he was being ignorant of other people's skills and I told him to stop being so judgemental and ignorant of other people. There are always going to be people higher then you. And you'll always be higher then some people. Like my mental health for example. It's bad at times we'll certainly improved over the years. And I can be bad at times (no ones perfect) but there will be someone out there with the same conditions as me but they could be one hundred times worse. Judging is so easy. I hate
Monday, 5 September 2016
What winning The Scottish Cup meant to me.
So here is the deal, you do not have to have an interest in football to find this story interesting. you just have to believe in Faith. the 21st of May 2016 changed my life forever. Not only me but Kimmi's, My mother's life & My brothers lives. It is so hard to describe how i felt.
Well the night before i couldn't sleep, I wasn't nervous but excited but yet a sense of calmness came over me, i was not confident because if you have read my previous post, my team Hibernian had not won the Cup since the year 1902, 114 years, My team hibs for short had been in ten previous cup finals and had lost them all. they are one of the biggest clubs in Scotland, Winning the league in the 50's beating european 'BIG' teams, Winning the league cup, a smaller cup to the Scottish Cup...
To tell you this story you need to listen to Hibernian's roots, Hibs were created to bridge the gap between the Scottish and Irish, The irish came over to Edinburgh for a better life, they were starving and cold, they had no food, there was a place in Edinburgh Called The Cowgate, Little Ireland for short because so Many irish had stayed there, Including my own family when they first came to Scotland. So Hibernian (the roman name for Ireland) were formed in the year 1875. Folowing the years due to Hibernians irish herritage a local gypsy was NOT happy when the club decided to remove the Harp from the main stand and said "You will never win the Scottish cup ever again until the harp is restored on the main stand" she was angry because she felt we had turned our back on our heritage, down the years hibs have changed there badge, from a harp to a crown to a weird booze badge and to our current badge, the harp,ship and castle, the badge was placed on the main stand a few months before may the 21st, and look what happened....
So i have been to the last Scottish Cup final against a team called Celtic (selltick) we lost 3-0... not a good day, i had seen hibs lose to our arch rivals in the scottish cup final 5-1 ... again not a good day... but this time, i did not even think of the harp back on the stand, hibs had already bet rangers twice this season, they were nothing special.... the game
The Game, in the first three minutes hibs had scored, i don't know why but i thought it was a defender who ran and ran then scored.... i was just praying we could hold on and then... Rangers Scored to make it 1-1... well if we can go to penaltys who knows i remember thinking.... then they scored again, a wonder goal. I held kims hand as soon as it went in, sad, down, angry...I thought same old, same old, pay £50 for tickets and £40 train fair and fan stuff... kim told me when the second goal went in she thought about telling me i am not going to bother ever coming to the games again... then out of no where we got a corner, we scored ?! holy shit it is the defender again LOL? no it wasn't but i remember when the corner was taken, i prayed to my grandad " Please grandad, please just one goal, please" we had scored it was 2-2!!!!
Then in the last couple of minutes in the game BOOM, 114 years of pain, hurt, sadness, anger had just vanished.... gone, my grand parents were not even alive to see it, people had been living for 100 years and had not seen it... i remember we got the corner and thought again " Right grandad, i know i asked before, please, i will never pray asking for anything ever again, please just let this go in" it went in!!! I fell to my knees, i was crying, i was shaking, i could not believe what i had seen, all those years getting kicked in the balls, getting made fun off... i couldn't believe it... we had won
Then about 5 thousand hibs fan invaded the pitch with pure glee, kissing the ground, stealing the pitch turf... this is something i will never feel again, something kim said and i qoute" Im not even a football fan but what i felt nothing can ever compare to it" hibs could win the cup next year and it would be great but it would be nothing compared to winning it for the first time in 114 years....
I will post a few videos, enjoy them,
"Hibs have won the scottish cup"
It wasn't just a game of football, it was more then that, it was pure happiness........
Well the night before i couldn't sleep, I wasn't nervous but excited but yet a sense of calmness came over me, i was not confident because if you have read my previous post, my team Hibernian had not won the Cup since the year 1902, 114 years, My team hibs for short had been in ten previous cup finals and had lost them all. they are one of the biggest clubs in Scotland, Winning the league in the 50's beating european 'BIG' teams, Winning the league cup, a smaller cup to the Scottish Cup...
To tell you this story you need to listen to Hibernian's roots, Hibs were created to bridge the gap between the Scottish and Irish, The irish came over to Edinburgh for a better life, they were starving and cold, they had no food, there was a place in Edinburgh Called The Cowgate, Little Ireland for short because so Many irish had stayed there, Including my own family when they first came to Scotland. So Hibernian (the roman name for Ireland) were formed in the year 1875. Folowing the years due to Hibernians irish herritage a local gypsy was NOT happy when the club decided to remove the Harp from the main stand and said "You will never win the Scottish cup ever again until the harp is restored on the main stand" she was angry because she felt we had turned our back on our heritage, down the years hibs have changed there badge, from a harp to a crown to a weird booze badge and to our current badge, the harp,ship and castle, the badge was placed on the main stand a few months before may the 21st, and look what happened....
So i have been to the last Scottish Cup final against a team called Celtic (selltick) we lost 3-0... not a good day, i had seen hibs lose to our arch rivals in the scottish cup final 5-1 ... again not a good day... but this time, i did not even think of the harp back on the stand, hibs had already bet rangers twice this season, they were nothing special.... the game
The Game, in the first three minutes hibs had scored, i don't know why but i thought it was a defender who ran and ran then scored.... i was just praying we could hold on and then... Rangers Scored to make it 1-1... well if we can go to penaltys who knows i remember thinking.... then they scored again, a wonder goal. I held kims hand as soon as it went in, sad, down, angry...I thought same old, same old, pay £50 for tickets and £40 train fair and fan stuff... kim told me when the second goal went in she thought about telling me i am not going to bother ever coming to the games again... then out of no where we got a corner, we scored ?! holy shit it is the defender again LOL? no it wasn't but i remember when the corner was taken, i prayed to my grandad " Please grandad, please just one goal, please" we had scored it was 2-2!!!!
Then in the last couple of minutes in the game BOOM, 114 years of pain, hurt, sadness, anger had just vanished.... gone, my grand parents were not even alive to see it, people had been living for 100 years and had not seen it... i remember we got the corner and thought again " Right grandad, i know i asked before, please, i will never pray asking for anything ever again, please just let this go in" it went in!!! I fell to my knees, i was crying, i was shaking, i could not believe what i had seen, all those years getting kicked in the balls, getting made fun off... i couldn't believe it... we had won
Then about 5 thousand hibs fan invaded the pitch with pure glee, kissing the ground, stealing the pitch turf... this is something i will never feel again, something kim said and i qoute" Im not even a football fan but what i felt nothing can ever compare to it" hibs could win the cup next year and it would be great but it would be nothing compared to winning it for the first time in 114 years....
I will post a few videos, enjoy them,
"Hibs have won the scottish cup"
POV from the Rangers end of the hibs fans going CRAZY! (favourite video)
It wasn't just a game of football, it was more then that, it was pure happiness........
Friday, 2 September 2016
It's 4am.
In the middle of watching the movie 30 days of night... Because I like Alaska and cold country. I hate warm country. I swear I was an Eskimo in a past life. I love being cold. Is that weird?
Mums here, she's been here since Thursday night. So we have been drinking, smoking and laughing. Kim has really enjoyed it too... I can't stop thinking about the volunteering opertunity..
They want me to talk about my past with BPD and present. They want me to be honest, I would be the only male, which is rare since most males are in jail... Or just don't want to admit it... I could be an inspiration to help people. I could make a difference if I played this well... I would be so proud of myself... But I am scared, what if I fuck up? I'm not going to avoid this though..
I feel guilty because I haven't meditated in two weeks, I've been very judgemental towards myself. Nasty, not been kind to myself, it's good I'm recognising those bad feelings though...
I got my optigrill and by god it's amazing
It makes the best toasties ever. It cooks fish and meat from frozen too!
I've also been thinking. I want to skydive. Nah I really do, I want to try it but I want to make a go fund me to raise money for my sweet little Mila-Moo's condition. A lot of family's don't have the money to travel to England or afford the therapy for this.. I just want to do my bit for Mila but for her charity... I'm her uncle and I want to be a good uncle to her. So I'm going to look into it. I would honestly do it. I'd record it with a go pro or something. Would you support me?
Not going to lie to you blogger times are hard right now, money is low, tensions are high, depression is kicking in... Times are hard, I have support but ... Yeah.. But it's just one of those days where you feel sad... I wish I could talk about it more but yeah.. I'm not really wanting too? If I want to write down how I feel I write a note in my notes on my phone....
So, I am going to quick learning course to improve my English and maths. That's Monday and have a meeting to arrange that with Neil... Then I look towards college while volunteering.. Should be fu. Right?
I'm busy and my avoidance and judgementalness is getting pissed off at me being so busy and not feeling sorry for myself!
I keep a lot of shit to myself, apart from Kim I tell her everything. She's my woman. Anyway let's wrap it up fi here a dinni wantae gab in inglis.. Bahye
Fuckers.
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