Scary, I've came a long way but I still don't feel 100% fixed. I feel about 60 or 70. I am mindful of my emotions more, I try less to judge and try to think in wise mind. I think a lot more before I say stuff. I am more compassionate and understanding and truth is I feel better but fixed? No, I will never be fixed no one can be fixed. In life you have to be aware of how you are feeling and deal with your problems in healthy ways. Advice on relationships, friendships personal problems is great. It's good to talk I'm not saying bottle up your feelings but YOU are your adviser. You would go to a shop and ask the best way to wipe your ass
Okay bad example but you all know what I mean. Truth is I keep searching for this magical answer. I am Steven Perry I have these problems that problems. But maybe the problems I have had have been drifting into something bigger then I thought and that's scary.
It's okay to feel anxious or scared, one thing I have learned is to look at the facts of a situation before flying off the handle . Feeling those feelings are how we evolved and grew as human beings. It's okay to feel them. But we must understand that only us, can change. If you want it badly please do not depend on others to do your dirty work.
I am mindful of my past, I am mindful of my present and I am mindful of my future. I feel bad for my past, I feel anxious for my future. But my present? I just feel mindful and positive.
People and avoiding are a weakness of mine. The 'new' Steven is scared to et close. I can talk the talk and be old Stevie boy, the joker, the clown, but it's scary to get involved. I have tried being mindful of these feelings but hey, that's the thing meeting new people, going new places is scary. I have avoided meeting my brother for coffee, to talk about our situation. But do I need to talk about it? He might dislike me at times but that is the past not the present. If he dislikes me I can't change his opinion. I know a room full of people who dislike me, not everyone will like you in life, because of the worst and stupidest things. But I try to be mindful of that. Worrying and remembering the past won't help you move forward.
Imagine a world where no human was scared of their past? How dull would that be. A few people would die huh?
I've been in a relationship with Kim for four years now, four houses, three city's, two pets and one bedroom flat. That's scary, what's even more scary is even though I love her, committing to one person, committing to one career, committing to whatever is scary and but enjoyable...
I don't want to let anyone down, but again, the past is creeping up and well I know I say it a lot but I am mindful of that.
The reason for this post is because I want to remind myself I am trying, even if I feel down sometimes I look at the facts and ask why am I? I know why I am today. But some days I won't know why and that's okay. Sometimes I will feel happy and sing in the street and won't know why... Life is life, life is truly how you make it.
I'm not going to college, but I am staring it at a later date insead, it was a choice you see. Throw away DBT that I've been doing for six month and have another four months of. Or go to college and miss my DBT group on a Thursday. I told the college about this and they said I can start new from January. I'm also going to be volunteering soon, I went to an evang on Tuesday with Kim. They are looking for people with borderline personality disorder to help them kill the stigma and looking for people who know people with the illness. So me and Kim fit right in.
Why am I doing this? Because it's a good use of time, there are people that need help and it can be helpful for me to continue growing... So yeah I'm excited for that. Also excited for college, my life is going well and it's all down to me
Almost finished DBT and learned from it.
Going to college in January.
Learning to drive
My own flat
Long term relationship of four years
Became more mindful and spiritual.
Better relationship with my family
I see my niece often.
I have things going for me. I'm not sad really... If anything I'm strong, strong for the ones I need to be strong for.
Keep cheering me on. I'm doing good blog.
I hope you all are doing well
Remember to be mindful.
Thank you
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