Not a good day.

I don't want to mask or pretend. Today is not a good day. Just "one of those days" I feel sad. But I guess it's okay to feel sad. Life can't be a party. But I do deserve to be happy. I am worthy of happiness. The past is in stone the future Spurs on.

So what now? Really what now? I keep on moving forward. I can move forward and want to move forward. I guess I'm sad because I miss Kimmi, I am lonely without her. I also miss people from my past, a lot. But things are in place for a reason and I must respect their wishes and "watch on" a root for them

I actually feel pleased to see the person I miss doing so well in life, it is comforting to know they have their happy ending and a full life a head, it actually makes me smile. I guess if they were a junkie or a sleep around I would have to say no you know what I'm not going to let you ruin your life, I know we have rules in place but I'm not letting you do this. I guess I'm just too loyal, even if I am a bit sad now and then it's okay, many happy days will come ahead, like seeing Kim on Sunday or holding Mila or my next driving lesson. I can make it through.

You know my problem was I used to and still do to a point say what's on my mind too much. Like If I went to a funeral of someone I hate I would say he or she is an arsehole. Well I would have, I'd post digs at certain people online I used to do that. I found my old Facebook and the way I used to speak and act like I was some kind of a rockstar was crazy, I was just a silly little boy. If you are reading this from my old 'famous' Facebook I am sorry, I'm sorry for being a cunt. But that's the past. Can't change it, can't shake it and can't fuck it, well you can, fuck the past but keep the knowledge. The pain of how you felt. And the happiness.

I feel better now so I will stop writing, have a wonderful weekend 

Fuckers.