Thursday, 26 February 2015

i wish.

I wish

I wish for happiness over money and genuine pleasure from life.

I wish to face my fears and fix my oh so many flaws.

Thorough life I have always focused on the bad things, I have always worried what can go wrong next when I should seem genuine happy with what I have got.

I never take the time to appreciate a sunset at the park or my first genuine smile with the ones I love.

Am I a selfish person, of course. Everyone is selfish at times, isn't that apart of being human?

I never take into consideration the words I write or talk might hurt or might lead on family, friends or even Kim,

I always focus on my past. I try to focus on the future, but. It's so hard when all the emotions of worrying if everything and everyone around is happy.

I have dreams of living a life with Kim and becoming a dog trainer. I never really knew what I wanted to do before I got interested in dogs. I have always respected and loved dogs, but never thought of it as a career.

Am I insane for wanting to start at a low paid career? Or am I just seeking a job I will actually be happy in and can actually work at it and give something to these dogs?

I just want the big house and life with Kim.

I know my personal problems and I am trying to work on them and I have certainly made progress.

But times I get down because of the pain I have caused people, it's not really guilt but I just imagine if I was them. At the time, gosh, it makes me feel horrible.

I am genuinely sorry, but I don't regret anything I have said or done, because it helped them and it has helped me learn from experiences.

It's amazing how the simple things work for you when you get older, a career, home, partner, family, friends... I don't want to win the lottery and truth is I would probably take some money for a nice house and give the rest away to family and charity's (cancer, dogs) because money brings worry, evilness, fear, anger anything apart from happiness.

I need to say this, but Buddhists, I really have respect for them. They are so at peace with life and themselves. They know how to relax.

Back to the drawing board.

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