A new way of writing (try and guess what I'm doing)

It's silly how I let the small things get to me when it's simply the small things. They are not big at all but lead on to big things so I seem to think. Thinking is something I do a lot these days and I wouldn't have expected my over thinking to stop by now, I never would have expected to be in the situation I am right now, now, future and past is something I need to come to terms with someday I like to try and build myself around the present and living in the moment not past or future. Future is something you make for yourself, it's something you plan for, planning is hard but it can be fun. If you had said to me a year ago id be where I am now

Truth is im keeping my cards to my chest right now. But having hope. Sometimes I feel I am not strong I am weak. But I'm stronger than I give myself credit sometimes. Sometimes it's hard to keep strong when you are used to being weak and running from your past or what the future might bring, it brings it's good and bad things but..... But it's not all bad, if you live the way you want to. It just feels like my brain is on a rollacoster. Just the other day I thought to myself its like my life is a tv show. Like the truenman show. Weird huh, with myself i can be weak but more strong, with my family and friends I can do anything. I just feel I have so many feelings to let out. Not bad feelings or bitter but happy. You have your happy and sad days. It depends how you handle them? And why am I happy? Because I'm making the people who care about me proud I'm moving to ayr and going to get a job and my own place

Im going down a hard and tough road but I will go through my hell before i reach my heaven.

I dream to feel the inner peace sourounding me and feel the love of a blade of grass in a park. Smelling the nature and hearing the sounds beside me. I think I'm close to it, I'm sure I am.


What can I say I'm myself, if I wasn't I would have crumbled by now. I don't know If il ever be able to make the ones who care for me proud to 100% but I'm going to give it my all I'm going to try my hardest because I'm not going to let the people who want to see me fail win, no fucking way. If they hate me and have an issue with me then it's there loss because they are far far far far away from reaching complete happiness. And in my views it's the only way you can be happy to not hate but love the people in your life, I'm not saying love your enemies but.... Just don't .....care? Because having no opinion on them is the perfect response to them, if they are obsessed by you then let them be ca ca ca copy cats.

I think i will make people proud because I'm proud of myself and that's the only persons opinion i need.

Ps. I don't smoke anymore or even drink. I gave it up because I don't want to be a slave to the booze company's or the tobacco ...1-0 me:)

Any who I feel great I wrote this in my blog, it will help me remind myself in years to come how good I am. Arrogant ? Fuck yes.

I even have my happy song that picks me up when I have fallen ...