Big development for myself.

Well this is going to be one of the most important blog post I have wrote since joining. This is going to be a very special post and I am actually happy to let my followers know and I am happy to who knows look back and read one day and think wow that's when it started going right.

Let's get one thing perfectly clear here, I am not writing this for attention, I am not writing this for sympathy or anything that might appear me as the victim. I am NOT a victim in life. I am just me. I write this because some followers and people I know deserve to know the truth. I write this because I want to look back on this as a good memory and see what type of person I was. 

Here is the thing, I was born with ADHD, I developed Cerebarl palsy, yes I have MILD cerebral palsy. I also have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and sucidal ideation. 

But my struggle over the past few years has been accepting and living with my personality disorder. Yes I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder and that's the last time I will say that on this blog because I am not proud of it actually I am ashamed of myself for having it... 

So Why ?

Why am I telling you all of this? 

I am telling you this because a new development has happened I have been offered not a physcologist, not medication (well I'm on medication) not any magical answer, but I have been offered dialectical behaviour therapy the gold treatment for people with this disorder. I have been told I am so lucky to be getting this. It's part of the reason why we moved because Midlothian (the region in Scotland I stay in only offers it in all of Scotland) and normally I would have to wait one year but a space opened up.

I get given a sheet for the week and write down imhowni was feeling and what triggers me off and what skills I used. I then attended therapy with other people with the same diagnoses and talk about how I was feeling. I then meet my CPN and talk about how I am. So I am grabbing this with my two hands. This is my shot. I will say goodbye to my anger, my paranoia, my avoidant behaviour, my black and white thinking, my outbursts my sadness and being on the line....

2016 is a very good year for me. I have DBT I have my driving lessons, and I have my dogs. I also have my wonderful amazing girlfriend who wants to help and my family near me. I am the only one who can make this work and only me can make myself fail. But I won't fail. It's time to grow up and it's time to be stronger and support myself emotionally and not depend on others to regulate my feelings. To those other people I am so sorry. Please forgive me and please keep hope for me. 2016 is the year I get better.

Thank you love Steven .