Creative writing.

Had a very good, strange emotional day. Had to do things out of my comfort zone this week and eat some humble pie. Feel releaved, okayish, happy and angry all in one. So I really need to write and let it all out into one big creative writing mess....

'I was a lesson I have learned. I was lost and concerned, battling away night and day hoping to change and wanting to say. I held the keys to my soul. I had to let my demons roll. Fighting, chatting and making things last. I pushed away and landed on smeard  glass. I feel as if I have the will to learn. Why can't i just see that no one was concerned. Forgiven thrown around like such an easy word. Anger builds and trust is learned. I fight with myself. I love myself and it's true. I'm glad i lost the demon that played. My final songs of mistakes. I have a life worth living it is true. But my flaws are still clear. I can manage them and thats for sure. Pour me a river and cry me a fall. I'm done with hating after all. I'm forgiven and happy but angry still lasts. I can now finally let go about everything from my past......... one few words left to say. I have found my nights and my days. Eager falling. Lessons crawling. Beside me stopping. For once I'm not left for dead and my tears still fall. Let my guilt leave I'm finally free. So here I go.. just watch me.'

I haven't updated in a while.

Yes it's true. If i was a parent and if this blog was a kid i would have social service's taking my child away. I think the last time i updated i was just about. Well not think. I know because i checked..

So what have i been doing since January? A whole lot to shorten the answer.

Lets see. Well.. i started my college courde to get my qualifications in a better state. And i passed my course. So my grades are a lot lot lot lot better. I have became more addicted to my xbox with games i love. I have a great relationship with my family. I've had to be there for people and gave decent advice. Me and kim are doing great and she is on the right track in life and i am so fucking proud of her.

Kim took me to a Buddhist monastery. The only one in western Europe. Where i loved it. Even without wifi and phone signal. I've been to England with Kim and friends... I am actually  back again on friday.

I am out of the mental health system and they are happy with my mental health. I JUST show signs of borderline personality disorder and have completed my DBT course where i feel much better.

I am starting a new course on the 31st. An introduction to counciling and if all goes well i will do my cosca course where i become a full lisenced couincler and then i can go to university and become a dbt therapist. Wish me luck and strengh:)

Me and Kim have helped her brother and his girlfriend settle in to a new home... oh and driving is coming along just fine...

I'm the happiest i have ever been and life is fantastic. Life is truly what you make it.

One year ago Kim's teachers said she will never work with children. And failed her. A year later she passed and is qualifed as a teaching assistant. I am very proud of her and so happy for her.

The best part of the year is my niece Mila remembering my name and asking if i was daddy's friend LOL!

This week will be laundry and xbox week.

Also if you have time watch peep show on Netflix and give cry venom a listen.

One bad thing to happen is well. For those of you who don't know i suffer from mild cerbal palsy. My reactions and balance is shit. And well its causing me to have knee pain because of my body stance the muscle is always hurting. But im using crutches and they help. I used to be ashamed of my CP because that's how people made me feel. But now i couldn't care. Its the cards I've been handed. Sometimes i wonder what if the doctors gave me oxygen three seconds less. And didn't cause me to have it. What if it didn't damage my brain cells.. but there's always people worse off then you.

Anyway thanks for the read its 2 am. I gotts sleep. Nighhhhht

Fuckers.

Nerves are kicking in.

So I'm not sure if I'm starting college this week or not. I know I'm to be in today at half eleven to talk about the course and what I want from it. But I'm so nervous for it. Like oh my god. I don't even know why. I have my idea's I guess it's normal to be nervous. Truth is I don't want to let myself or anyone down. I feel pressure defintley. I've been thinking all day how lucky I am to get free education in this country when England needs to pay for their education... I'm just going to go in with the best level head. I can't even sleep right now because of the nerves. I know I don't really have anything to worry about. My mouth is so dry haha! Oh well wish me luck please. Good luck Steven :) going to try and get some sleep now and won't let the nerves win.