Bad news.

Yeah... my blogger app on my phone won't let me post anything... so I am on the site of blogger on my phone not being able to see what I am typing oh ! Now I can because it's a new..... I can't see again I was going to say a new sentence... and now I can see. Blogger, google you suck! So I am not being anti social... I am just trying to figure out how to update this thing.... I really can't believe dbt finishes for me in December.... Christmas is coming fast.. people don't know it. But we have been saving for Christmas... I have money and religiously (what does that even mean in this context) have put money away into it and well Christmas is sorted... just need to buy the presents... I have people in mind. I want to buy presents to show people I care and think of them. I hate when people refuse a present it's now about me it's about you. I do it to show I care... or the old fake line you shouldn't have.. no one ever means that you are happy you got a present. But you shouldn't be happy you got a present you should be happy that the person thought about you.. another reason I hate when people use money as a gift. No thought just a rush... I hate money by the way. Imagine a world without it. I dislike how people get so drunk at Christmas. Next time you go to the the shops look into people's basket or trolleys it's just booze booze booze. Oh well. I just like seeing people happy... I'm thinking of giving up drinking. People say you have to love yourself but how is getting so drunk loving your self? Or even a drop to feel merry? You get a buzz and aren't true to yourself. Maybe I should have a drink at Christmas and special events.. just to show others I care.. it breaks the awkward silence too... that's a good thing... driving is coming along well... I'm starting round abouts next week. Getting passports in January should be fun fun fun.. going to go now. Bye


Fuckers

DBT, Meditation, giving hope and a stranger on the bus.

Forgive me for not being on my blogger for so long. The app I use on my iPhone keeps crashing and well I wanted to make a memory of today's events and look back on them as why I joined blogger in the first place LOL!

Anyway I went with Kim to her appointment. She is on the path to being where she wants to be. Which I will fully support her on that. Of course I will. We then went to a relaxation group and were doing mindfulness and meditation. This was Kim's first meditation and she said she enjoyed it. So I was happy for her to feel calm and at ease and also feel good about herself. I told her 'can you see why a do it now?!'

So we had a day ticket and could travel all around the lothians with this ticket so we did. I was talking to her and telling her she done well in the relaxation group. She said you must be so used to it with your dbt. And this random girl sitting near us asked if I was in dbt and had EUMD (BPD to you lovely North Americans) I answered her questions and tried to give her the best advice I could. I said stuff like "listen it will be hard you will want to give up and walk away but just keep paying attention keep doing your work, keep listening and be honest. Don't lie about anything in group and I promise you it will just click... " it did for me. She told me she is a new mum and is scared I tried my best to calm her and shook her hand.... I feel so lucky to have came through dbt ... I've done well. I end it on the 15th of Dec.... and see my one to one worker weekly then monthly .. and that's it... of course I'm scared of course I will cry.. but the thing is dbt was never to make friends or chat or whatever.. it was to make me better.. it has that only purpose and I've done it I am much better... I'm scared of slipping into old ways. It's natural. It would be weird if I wasn't... I'm just staying in the present .... don't think of my past learn from it.. the future? How can I focus on my future if I'm not focusing on the present to build towards it?

" I want happiness" remove I that is ego, remove want that's desire... happiness is free now"

I should really update this thing more often but this was just a wee post take remind ma self that I done something nice today. I felt good after words I could see the fear in her eyes... I had that fear but I was just honest to her. I didn't catch her name but I wish her all the luck in the world with her little family and her own path. Good luck buddie.. who knows I might see you when I leave in Dec :)


Blah blah blah


Night

Fuckers.

Ps sold my Xbox for £85 on eBay when in person a store was gonna offer me £35 for it all

What
A
Fucking
Kill.

Thanks mum, Kimmi and Sean for young the price ;)

Bored.

Meh. 

Bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored. Booooooooored....

Blogpost of the year yayyyy