Saturday, 31 March 2012
I'm the best kind of mess.
"Talk to me now while I'm sober
The way that you look
I know it's almost over
The fighting has stopped
But I'm still so lost
will you bring me in
Shame creeps down my spine
Like the blade of a knife
And it's taking it's time
Will you wait for me
Cause now I can't breathe
The air runs thin
I'm another lush
I'm another liar
How will I stop
When will I start burning
Will I come clean to say that I'm wrong
I'm the best kind of mess (Yeah, yeah)
I'm the best kind of mess
I'm the best kind of mess
I'm the best kind of mess
You know that it hurts so bad
I wish I could stop
But I'm so used to sad
You asked me to leave
So now I believe
That I'm shut out
Now I'm taking this pill just to mend it
I'm not calling the shots
I'm just calling it quits
Would you love me, would you hold me
In this wreck I am
I'm another lush
I'm another liar
How will I stop
When will i start learning
Will I come clean to say that I'm wrong
I'm the best kind of mess (Yeah, yeah)
How will I stop
When will I start burning
Will I come clean to say that I'm wrong
I'm the best kind of mess (Yeah, yeah)
I'm the best kind of mess
I forget, I'm upset
With watching her fall out of love
Is this a test, cause I'm depressed
With watching her fall out of love
How will I stop
When will i start learning
Will I come clean to say that I'm wrong
I'm the best kind of mess (Yeah, yeah)
How will I stop
When will I start burning
Will I come clean to say that I'm wrong
I'm the best kind of mess (Yeah, yeah)
I'm the best kind of mess
I'm the best kind of mess
I'm the best kind of mess
I'm the best kind of mess
Syc as Fuk.
Yesterday was Syc as FUK
I went to town, had ice cream, nom nom nom nom.
I got my AP mags, 3 ronnie posters and interviews;D
Also i got my Syc Fuk Clothing, They gave me an extra t shirt when i asked they said they wanted too
i aint complaining. i love this clothing line.
I'm feeling quite good today, it's been sunny in Scotland for the past 4 days. it's crazy 0__o
Right now i am just chilling thinking of going out not sure where tho
look i look like a rockstar XD
BYE
I went to town, had ice cream, nom nom nom nom.
I got my AP mags, 3 ronnie posters and interviews;D
Also i got my Syc Fuk Clothing, They gave me an extra t shirt when i asked they said they wanted too
i aint complaining. i love this clothing line.
I'm feeling quite good today, it's been sunny in Scotland for the past 4 days. it's crazy 0__o
Right now i am just chilling thinking of going out not sure where tho
look i look like a rockstar XD
BYE
Smirk
I wrote some lyrics, Jillie Wrote them on her music book, she loved them and even took a picture. Thanks for all the support and love you give me, You are one of my inspirations when it comes to writing music. I wouldn't be half the writer i was without you and others helping me, thank you.
Show me the claws that you scratch your personality off. walking away might never be easy, but for me.
but for me it's a grudge i've held since day one, haha. Whatever happend to that promise you made. whatever happend to the nights and days?
send me a growl from your circus of a life, show me that knife. send me a growl i'll never back off
nights are burning, the lies are turning who will pick you up from death. sadness creeps. those legs are cheep.
filthyness creeps to mind, you held a blade across my spine, lyrics flow from my head, did you expect anything less
move on and burn. wear your crown because you always were that queen
an obsessene amount of time, go on show a claw. because after all and when we fall, we are left to pick up pieces
relationships form, and a torn mystery instead. a kept a simple line, but shot through the heart. i never gave up but i fell apart.
always running through my head, i swear all my friends have changed am i going insane, till that night when you said it was only fair
i never wanted it and i know i needed it but i can judge for myself.
leave me now, just go and leave me to rott in this god awful hell. eyesbrows maybe raised. but after all these pills im feeling fucking dazed
my downful my sins are catching up, go on smirk a growl, this is what you wanted.
palnned it all along, to toy with my black and blue heart, so you could get a song.!"
"smirk"
"send me a growl from your side show pit, send me a growl if you think you can end up winning it.Show me the claws that you scratch your personality off. walking away might never be easy, but for me.
but for me it's a grudge i've held since day one, haha. Whatever happend to that promise you made. whatever happend to the nights and days?
send me a growl from your circus of a life, show me that knife. send me a growl i'll never back off
nights are burning, the lies are turning who will pick you up from death. sadness creeps. those legs are cheep.
filthyness creeps to mind, you held a blade across my spine, lyrics flow from my head, did you expect anything less
move on and burn. wear your crown because you always were that queen
an obsessene amount of time, go on show a claw. because after all and when we fall, we are left to pick up pieces
relationships form, and a torn mystery instead. a kept a simple line, but shot through the heart. i never gave up but i fell apart.
always running through my head, i swear all my friends have changed am i going insane, till that night when you said it was only fair
i never wanted it and i know i needed it but i can judge for myself.
leave me now, just go and leave me to rott in this god awful hell. eyesbrows maybe raised. but after all these pills im feeling fucking dazed
my downful my sins are catching up, go on smirk a growl, this is what you wanted.
palnned it all along, to toy with my black and blue heart, so you could get a song.!"
Thursday, 29 March 2012
for my blog
blurry future and a hopeless ending, the tales of a fusion turns out to the highest degree
i sit back and look upon me, what i have started will it ever set me free
so i hold on to burnt memories and hope that they will save me from this hell
i know you know it as well. what hurts the most the things you said the lies you played
had drowned me in vein, what hurts the most not even a letter in the mail it’s time to up sticks
and continue this fairytale, i can’t wait forever and even if i left, i’d still have the kindess respect to send you a letter in the mail
So lets put on our party face’s and shake this cold night away, lets look back and relax to a time where it was just fun and games, quickly safe and sound, i feel my feet racing against your frown
i believed in love once, then i saw the dust, seting in and crumbleing the pictures we took.
look at them you looked so happy, we danced the night away, together in the mid night sun.
hopless remarks, i’m always running, set my spark alight, be wary of me at night, because it’s when i cry
im too late to right my wrong, so im starting this, can’t you see the words that i talk, can’t you see it from above and beyond, what hurts the most no letter in the mail, such a give away ending to my mis inchanted fairy tale
im continueing to walk, and rock this world to life, you hold the knife to my throat, i softly slipt away.
because i have my ever after life.”
i sit back and look upon me, what i have started will it ever set me free
so i hold on to burnt memories and hope that they will save me from this hell
i know you know it as well. what hurts the most the things you said the lies you played
had drowned me in vein, what hurts the most not even a letter in the mail it’s time to up sticks
and continue this fairytale, i can’t wait forever and even if i left, i’d still have the kindess respect to send you a letter in the mail
So lets put on our party face’s and shake this cold night away, lets look back and relax to a time where it was just fun and games, quickly safe and sound, i feel my feet racing against your frown
i believed in love once, then i saw the dust, seting in and crumbleing the pictures we took.
look at them you looked so happy, we danced the night away, together in the mid night sun.
hopless remarks, i’m always running, set my spark alight, be wary of me at night, because it’s when i cry
im too late to right my wrong, so im starting this, can’t you see the words that i talk, can’t you see it from above and beyond, what hurts the most no letter in the mail, such a give away ending to my mis inchanted fairy tale
im continueing to walk, and rock this world to life, you hold the knife to my throat, i softly slipt away.
because i have my ever after life.”
Check out more
Wednesday, 28 March 2012
"I truly believe that the reason I'm here
Is to tell you the truth that your ending is near
Oh, One day you must look at yourself in mirror
I still don't think that you are hearing me clear
You must understand that our friendship is done
Justified by the person that you have become
And because of the fact that enough is enough
Now I'm the one that is holding the gun!"
Everywhere i go i drag this coffin just incase.
Your secrets keep you sick your lies keep you alive
I felt the darkness as it tryed to pull me down. the kind of darkness that haunts a hundred year old house
A restle with my thoughts i shook the hand of doubt. running from my past im praying feet don't fail me now.
I got these questions always running through my head, so many things that i would like to understand
if we are born to die and we all die to live, then whats the point in living life if it just contridicts?
I've lost myself you tried to reach me but you just can't help me. So long, goodbye, you tried to save me but it won't work this time, cause' now i've lost my fucking mind and there's no fucking time. i can't believe i'm actually meant to be here. Trying to consume the drug in me is you and i'm so high on misery can't you see
Your secrets keep you sick your lies keep you alive
I felt the darkness as it tryed to pull me down. the kind of darkness that haunts a hundred year old house
A restle with my thoughts i shook the hand of doubt. running from my past im praying feet don't fail me now.
I got these questions always running through my head, so many things that i would like to understand
if we are born to die and we all die to live, then whats the point in living life if it just contridicts?
I've lost myself you tried to reach me but you just can't help me. So long, goodbye, you tried to save me but it won't work this time, cause' now i've lost my fucking mind and there's no fucking time. i can't believe i'm actually meant to be here. Trying to consume the drug in me is you and i'm so high on misery can't you see
Who i am.
I have just realised i have not gave an about me on this blog, this won't be like how you speak when you join a site " Hey im jerremy and i like candle or im not a pedophile but..."
So let's start shall we? warning this will be as long as i can type for because i gotta let the monstars out.
"Hello there my name is Steven, Stevie Gordon Perry. First of all thats not my real name, nope. well it is but it shouldn't be, My mothers last name is Perry, but my father's last name is... *sigh* woodcock... Yes go on make fun of it, woodcock, a dildo made out of wood LOL my parents never married, so yeah....
I am the youngest of two older brothers. So i am the baby of the family.
Growing up i always knew i was different from others. not because of my learning difficuilties but because of the way i was as a person. People would go out and play football after school or build ganghuts, i'd just stay in and watch cartoons or the wrestling, Stone cold was my faourite, before it was the undertaker. anyway
I knew i was different also because when i did pluck up the currage to play with the other kids in my street they'd swear and talk about girls. now i was very shy as a kid, i still am in some points but thats for later.
Anyway growing up my parents were never around, i know you get people being like, oh daddy was never around it scard me, or mummy was fucking the local llama, but seriously. my mother had lets just say better things to do. and my father working, my dad is a fucking work aholic, something that i admire about him.
I was raised by my grandad, He was my hero and my god, it's strange saying that, but even to this day i try to please him and still get tears in my eyes like it was yesterday that he died. he taught me so much, being a better person, having respect, he was a gentleman, a true gentleman, he never swore, he would never get angry, just a sheer gentleman. so i try and emulate that, even to this day i still share some of his traits, my eye colour, my accent (it turns english sometimes) and my words. i sound like im in the 1960s sometimes.
So i'd get dropt off by the school bus outside my grandads. well mothers and then id have to walk two doors along, Anyway Going onto school. I'd be the calm, the funny one and the poet, yes i even wrote lyrics in school they loved it, oh and acting was a strong trait. the teachers loved me i loved them i was a geek so to speak
But i wanted a change i wanted to get into a real school not a school for special people. so i got transferd,
It was horrible, i'd get picked on laughed it and mocked for the way i learnt things. i made a few friends but thats about it, it last for a year so i moved onto high school.
high school was the same but ten times worse, i fell in love for the first time, had my heart broke and bestfriends walked away because it was "the cool thing to do"
After that i left high school at the age of 15, i got a job as a kitchen porter in one of edinburghs busiest restaurants/hotels. i qould even get bullied from my boss, locking me in freezers.
I quit, it was shit, i hated it, so moving on
I met a few people gained a few friends along the way
I even moved to germany for a girl. yeah germany. i let my bad qualitys get the better of me
and i never got over her until my next realtionship
I treated my last girlfriend like utter shit. and i hate myself for it, not because i miss her, because it was a terrible thing to have done, and my bestfriend at the time, i took advantage of there morals.
I am a person who finds it hard to trust, who is a coward at heart but will always stand up in the end.
I am the poet. the funny person but yet i have no confidence to save myself
i used to believe having people in your life is the way to make yourself happy, its not
you can only make yourself happy
anyway this about me kinda fucked up into a biography, so i will stop now my fingers hurt and my ass is numb, bye
So let's start shall we? warning this will be as long as i can type for because i gotta let the monstars out.
"Hello there my name is Steven, Stevie Gordon Perry. First of all thats not my real name, nope. well it is but it shouldn't be, My mothers last name is Perry, but my father's last name is... *sigh* woodcock... Yes go on make fun of it, woodcock, a dildo made out of wood LOL my parents never married, so yeah....
I am the youngest of two older brothers. So i am the baby of the family.
Growing up i always knew i was different from others. not because of my learning difficuilties but because of the way i was as a person. People would go out and play football after school or build ganghuts, i'd just stay in and watch cartoons or the wrestling, Stone cold was my faourite, before it was the undertaker. anyway
I knew i was different also because when i did pluck up the currage to play with the other kids in my street they'd swear and talk about girls. now i was very shy as a kid, i still am in some points but thats for later.
Anyway growing up my parents were never around, i know you get people being like, oh daddy was never around it scard me, or mummy was fucking the local llama, but seriously. my mother had lets just say better things to do. and my father working, my dad is a fucking work aholic, something that i admire about him.
I was raised by my grandad, He was my hero and my god, it's strange saying that, but even to this day i try to please him and still get tears in my eyes like it was yesterday that he died. he taught me so much, being a better person, having respect, he was a gentleman, a true gentleman, he never swore, he would never get angry, just a sheer gentleman. so i try and emulate that, even to this day i still share some of his traits, my eye colour, my accent (it turns english sometimes) and my words. i sound like im in the 1960s sometimes.
So i'd get dropt off by the school bus outside my grandads. well mothers and then id have to walk two doors along, Anyway Going onto school. I'd be the calm, the funny one and the poet, yes i even wrote lyrics in school they loved it, oh and acting was a strong trait. the teachers loved me i loved them i was a geek so to speak
But i wanted a change i wanted to get into a real school not a school for special people. so i got transferd,
It was horrible, i'd get picked on laughed it and mocked for the way i learnt things. i made a few friends but thats about it, it last for a year so i moved onto high school.
high school was the same but ten times worse, i fell in love for the first time, had my heart broke and bestfriends walked away because it was "the cool thing to do"
After that i left high school at the age of 15, i got a job as a kitchen porter in one of edinburghs busiest restaurants/hotels. i qould even get bullied from my boss, locking me in freezers.
I quit, it was shit, i hated it, so moving on
I met a few people gained a few friends along the way
I even moved to germany for a girl. yeah germany. i let my bad qualitys get the better of me
and i never got over her until my next realtionship
I treated my last girlfriend like utter shit. and i hate myself for it, not because i miss her, because it was a terrible thing to have done, and my bestfriend at the time, i took advantage of there morals.
I am a person who finds it hard to trust, who is a coward at heart but will always stand up in the end.
I am the poet. the funny person but yet i have no confidence to save myself
i used to believe having people in your life is the way to make yourself happy, its not
you can only make yourself happy
anyway this about me kinda fucked up into a biography, so i will stop now my fingers hurt and my ass is numb, bye
OMG HAHAHAHA
Okay so i signed into this modeling site i was on a few years ago
they asked for a body shot topless, in your underwear hahaha
they asked for a body shot topless, in your underwear hahaha
I miss the undies LOL
omg i look so young LMAO7
Tuesday, 27 March 2012
It takes a bigger man to stand up and admit the awful truth .
I decided to do a very special thing tonight. I couldn't sleep because i was thinking about the people i had done wrong, The things i have said the ways i have acted, During my past i have been a major hazard to myself. and for others, i've been selfish, dramatic and at times a bit insane, not the good insane but the bad insane. So i wrote a list of people who i have done wrong. and who i haven't apologised too yet, and i decided to get in contact with them through facebook, not explaining why i done it, because i really don't have anything to gain, i just thought that it would be nice for them to get the apology they deserve. Now i'm not looking to get back into there life
Far from it, but what i am looking for is not for them to hold any grudges, and it's true that there will be people who dislike you for being the person you already are. but there will be people like me, who refuse to go through life with hate in there heart. because it just gets them down.
Anyway to the people i just apologised. and it's funny how time can make you reflect on moments and think what the fuck was i actually doing at this point? I guess i am growing up in a way. but i will always be myself. i only want to change the bad things, but it got me thinking and for you guys think about this. if you are who you are and these bad things u want to change unless they are over the top (like being an addict, being selfish) is it really worth changing to suit others?
Some people are ignorant and stubborn and even though they have lost three jobs because of there personality and attiude well attiude lets say that. they still dont see the way they act are killing there friends they had and even family.
I now have a new way of thinking not fully but a tip anyway.. never look back on your past only look at the moment you live in, sure look back at the past for the good times. but whats the point on thinking of the sad times.
It's funny i learn this when 4 months ago i should have learnt it. or even a year ago... anyway im out bye:)
Far from it, but what i am looking for is not for them to hold any grudges, and it's true that there will be people who dislike you for being the person you already are. but there will be people like me, who refuse to go through life with hate in there heart. because it just gets them down.
Anyway to the people i just apologised. and it's funny how time can make you reflect on moments and think what the fuck was i actually doing at this point? I guess i am growing up in a way. but i will always be myself. i only want to change the bad things, but it got me thinking and for you guys think about this. if you are who you are and these bad things u want to change unless they are over the top (like being an addict, being selfish) is it really worth changing to suit others?
Some people are ignorant and stubborn and even though they have lost three jobs because of there personality and attiude well attiude lets say that. they still dont see the way they act are killing there friends they had and even family.
I now have a new way of thinking not fully but a tip anyway.. never look back on your past only look at the moment you live in, sure look back at the past for the good times. but whats the point on thinking of the sad times.
It's funny i learn this when 4 months ago i should have learnt it. or even a year ago... anyway im out bye:)
Monday, 26 March 2012
Party time:]
Its party time next week, I will be going to Glasgow With Liam I can't wait haven't been to a house party in ages.
I am just going to keep playing this song over and over, ENJOY
All the girlies with the pretty little panties
Turn around, let me smack both them ass cheeks
Throw your cups up if you'll get nasty
Woah
Ooh, damn girl girl, you're lookin' real fancy
Girl, come on Deuce's lap, I got free candy
Throw your cups up, we're gonna get nasty
(I know how to make you happy)
Let's get it crackin' bottles
We back in town, we're so platered
So meet her in the bathroom
She just turned 18, she calls me baby
Cuz she's been waitin' all night to rape me
Let's get it crackin' bottles
We back in town, we're so platered
So meet her in the bathroom
She just turned 18, she calls me baby
Cuz she's been waitin' all night to rape me
Here I come rubbin' on your girl's clit and on her bum
Oops, look what I found, a nice little wonder bra
She must be young, cuz I barely get on her rum
Next we turn the hips
So I can keep on rubbin' 'em
Broke a hole in her butt while I'm suckin' on her titties
That's fun, cuz I can do all three at once
Bust a nut, let it drip, drip from her tongue
Slut, I just gave you anal, you still licked it up
It's time to find me some more girl in the club
I like 'em black, I like 'em white
I like 'em young
I like 'em tall, I like 'em short, they got junk
She's got an ass that goes like a dump truck
I know she wants to take me home
She's called her friends at home
I got Deuce, girl, so bring a bottle of rum
And some condoms
Cuz we gonna have a threesome
Let's get it crackin' bottles
We back in town, we're so plastered
So meet her in the bathroom
She just turned 18, she calls me baby
Cuz she's been waitin' all night to rape me
Let's get it crackin' bottles
We back in town, we're so plastered
So meet her in the bathroom
She just turned 18, she calls me baby
Cuz she's been waitin' all night to rape me
Pink swag, glitter gun, high heels - here I come!
Makeup on, in the club, fucked your mom just for fun
I’m so wet, make you wild, make you wanna pull it out… oh wow!!
On my knees, can’t breathe, suck it down
I want to smear it all around
Cum queen, bitch I wear the crown
Stuff me up baby make me drown
Barebackin’ its a touch down!
Smackin’ fags is what I do, you wanna be me? HA what’s new!
Spit or lube? you better choose! bitch what’s a condom? no excuse
My vagina is a petting zoo, only let in 10 inch dudes
Just got raped by Drake… baby why’d you fucked up my hair do?!
It’s J-E-F-F-R-E-E STAR
I play boys like a fucking guitar
Lick my ass an surgery scars
I always smash midgets and fucking retards ;)
Let's get it crackin' bottles
We back in town, we're so plastered
So meet her in the bathroom
She just turned 18, she calls me baby
Cuz she's been waitin' all night to rape me
Let's get it crackin' bottles
We back in town, we're so plastered
So meet her in the bathroom
She just turned 18, she calls me baby
Cuz she's been waitin' all night to rape me
Don't be afraid of me, girl
Just bend back, let me rock your whole world
Tonight it's gonna be one big blur
Party here, room 3 over
Titties jiggling up in here
We're getting freaky, that's fo sho
Drinkin' that ice cold bud
I was born to rock this world
Go! This place has turned into a festival
Go! It's turned, it's transexual
Go! Extraterrestrial
Go! Let's go, let's go, let's go
Go! This place has turned into a festival
Go! It's turned, it's transexual
Go! Swirlin' like a carousel
Go! Let's go, let's go, let's go
Let's get it crackin' bottles
We back in town, we're so plastered
So meet her in the bathroom
She just turned 18, she calls me baby
Cuz she's been waitin' all night to rape me
Let's get it crackin' bottles
We back in town, we're so plastered
So meet her in the bathroom
She just turned 18, she calls me baby
Cuz she's been waitin' all night to rape me
All the girlies with the pretty little panties
Turn around, let me smack both them ass cheeks
Throw your cups up if you'll get nasty
Woah
Ooh damn girl girl, you're lookin' real fancy
Girl, come on Deuce's lap, I got free candy
Throw your cups up, we're gonna get nasty
Woah
Automatisch.
Wenn du lachst
Lachst du nicht
Wenn du weinst
Weinst du nicht
Wenn du fühlst
Fühlst du nichts
Weil du ohne Liebe bist
Wie automatisch
Renn ich durch alle Straßen
Und keine führt zu dir
Wie automatisch
Folgen mir deine Schatten
Und greifen kalt nach mir
Du bist wie
Ferngesteuert
Statisch und
Mechanisch
So automatisch
Sunday, 25 March 2012
Fuck You.
"I will always be the black sheep... Always. I may be unwanted, but at least I'm unique. It's time to start a fire. Grasp the truth from those liars. Judgemental eyes of sin, they turn the world, and it starts, i feed my habbits within."
Another thing *rant*
This will just be a quick Rant, okay. So i want to learn German, And i am fucking sick of people saying "oh you can't do that, German is hard. The grammer, bla bla bla bla bla im a loser" The fucking fact is. Yes German is hard, any fucking language is, there is no easy language, only the body language of a whore ;).. but no seriously, name an easy language? couldn't? thought so, I'm sorry but people said to me the same thing when i taught myself French, Yes they did. Did i prove them wrong, yes, I can hold down a conversation with someone from France, was the language hard? yes it was, but just because it is hard just because it has different grammer, Doesn't make it impossible. Nothing is impossible. Not one thing.
This picture is for you lovely doubters
Bye
Wonder wonder wonder. Hm I wonder.
You're probably wondering what the last blogpost was about, Oh there's a picture of Stevie with should it stay or should it go? hmmm what the fuck is he high? no i'm not high infact i don't even do drugs, but that's a different story. Anyway My blog post concerning that and will be the topic of conversation on this blog. Well it is a blog i'm allowed to spout my feelings and shit.
It's about my hair. I'm seriously thinking of cutting it. No not because I am tired of people thinking i look like a girl, no not because i want to look what others may think is "normal" but yes to because I just fancy a change. My hair is far too long for me, I only grew my hair because I wanted to hide my ugly forehead at the time, which is pretty big..... LOL
But the fact is I have gotton so used to... I know this will sound so arrogant and vain, but compliments, "omg i love your hair, you're so cute, fuck me now bitch" Yes i know i am not the prettyest, but i do know i am not ugly...
But the fact is, i wouldn't be getting those "compliments" if i had short hair.. would i want them? no! I mean sure its nice to be complimented on, but you know looks fade, hair falls out. And if i want the attention of someone i'd rather have it from someone who wants to be my friend for me and not because i look like a rockstar. yes i admit it, a rockstar.
I don't know though, i love my hair too. I love just going out and being the person that i already am. not giving a single fuck if people think i look gay or ugly. living in an area that doesn't useually accept this sense of dress..
I guess whatever may happen may happen. but i don't know i want to think about it hard before i do anything, because its who i am, its who i am comfortable with being myself.
But i do fancy dying my hair half black and half blonde, would look sick, or maybe i will just cut the lengh off a bit.
Anyway here is a picture of a fish,
BYEEEEEEEEEEE
xxx
Get your fix. 666
It's about my hair. I'm seriously thinking of cutting it. No not because I am tired of people thinking i look like a girl, no not because i want to look what others may think is "normal" but yes to because I just fancy a change. My hair is far too long for me, I only grew my hair because I wanted to hide my ugly forehead at the time, which is pretty big..... LOL
But the fact is I have gotton so used to... I know this will sound so arrogant and vain, but compliments, "omg i love your hair, you're so cute, fuck me now bitch" Yes i know i am not the prettyest, but i do know i am not ugly...
But the fact is, i wouldn't be getting those "compliments" if i had short hair.. would i want them? no! I mean sure its nice to be complimented on, but you know looks fade, hair falls out. And if i want the attention of someone i'd rather have it from someone who wants to be my friend for me and not because i look like a rockstar. yes i admit it, a rockstar.
I don't know though, i love my hair too. I love just going out and being the person that i already am. not giving a single fuck if people think i look gay or ugly. living in an area that doesn't useually accept this sense of dress..
I guess whatever may happen may happen. but i don't know i want to think about it hard before i do anything, because its who i am, its who i am comfortable with being myself.
But i do fancy dying my hair half black and half blonde, would look sick, or maybe i will just cut the lengh off a bit.
Anyway here is a picture of a fish,
BYEEEEEEEEEEE
xxx
Get your fix. 666
Friday, 23 March 2012
Me as a baby.
So i decided to upload a few pictures of me as a baby :]
I was a very premature baby (14 weeks) enjoy.
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Ps fuck London.
I was a very premature baby (14 weeks) enjoy.
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This was a couple of days later after my birth.
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I was on a life support machine..
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First time my mother hugged me..
She told me she didn't love me or my dad didn't because
she didn't want to get attached to me, i don't blame her. i was very sick.
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My first cuddle from my dad, 31st of july.
i feel so sorry for him, he looks so concerned.
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I was dieing in London in this picture, on the life support machine,
im lucky to be alive, and grateful.
I think this picture is disgusting, my face.
but i was so premature, So my skin was pealing badly... ew.
I was the weight of a bag of sugar, my head was the size of an orange, my dads fingers were the size of my hands and feet. i am so grateful to be alive, it's a mircle i even am, thank you for giving me this chance.Ps fuck London.
Thursday, 22 March 2012
21 jump street
Hey today hs been a good day ! i took Jack for a walk he went in the river and we saw a lady with a chocolate labradore and she asked is he playful and Jack is, but he chased the dog then barked at it twice hahaha, mr Macho!
Yesterday i went to the cinema to see the movie 21 jump street i went with a few people was really nice, such a funny movie, i think il make it a regular thing now every wedensday or thursday movie day :D he is the trailer:D
tonight ill go to the gym too which should be awesome!
Jonah is one of my favourite actors and his side kick looks like jon cena lol
byeeee
Yesterday i went to the cinema to see the movie 21 jump street i went with a few people was really nice, such a funny movie, i think il make it a regular thing now every wedensday or thursday movie day :D he is the trailer:D
tonight ill go to the gym too which should be awesome!
Jonah is one of my favourite actors and his side kick looks like jon cena lol
byeeee
Wednesday, 21 March 2012
One night of motionless.
I'm finding it hard to sleep lately. thoughts running through my head, emotions coming together, i don't know, i just want to be the best i know i can be, am i putting way too much pressure on myself? Things always fall into place like cake, yes like cake. You spend time baking a nice cherry chocolate cake, wait for it to bake, then by the end its amazing to look at. but if u add one piece of salt to it, or have too many people adding theyre secret ingredients "advice" it ruins the cake, sometimes u need to be a fat bastard and tell the folk around u to back off politely, fuck now im hungry, im going out to get some yougart, oh yeah good news too, i can finaly go to a gym and not work out on my cold fucking floor
edinburgh has re-opened it's pool, (yes it has a fucking gym) it costed 37 million pounds, took two years of work, it's beautiful. i'll show u guys a link down below if you like
i actually wrote a song tonight, about my brother, i liked the lyrics a lot. anyway im away to annoy old people with my music, deuce - lets get it crackin, haha ciao.
http://www.thecommiepool.co.uk/gallery
edinburgh has re-opened it's pool, (yes it has a fucking gym) it costed 37 million pounds, took two years of work, it's beautiful. i'll show u guys a link down below if you like
i actually wrote a song tonight, about my brother, i liked the lyrics a lot. anyway im away to annoy old people with my music, deuce - lets get it crackin, haha ciao.
http://www.thecommiepool.co.uk/gallery
Monday, 19 March 2012
Woo
I just done an interview with Steve via Skype, i looked like shit but did i care no, He was treating me like a celeb. which was really weird, but cool. I love what he does on youtube and it was really fun to do. stay tuned for the video:)
Sunday, 18 March 2012
Mothers day.
I would just like to take a few minutes of your time by reading this, thank you.
I want to thank my mother, for giving birth to me on this day, everything she has done for me, everything she says to me has always been for my best interests at heart.
We don't have a close relationship, but she is someone who i can count on. she is someone who will never judge me, even if she doesn't understand me half the time
Mum i love you with all my heart and soul, because even though in my younger days, you were never there, you're apart of me, you gave me life, you helped me become the person i am to do,
i look for signs of you in other people, the friends i had and have, i had a friend who works her ass off and helps people and asks for nothing in return, that's like you, you ask for nothing
it's not your job, it's not your place to ask for nothing, but you know i'd give you all the money my last pound to make you happy,
Thank you for being the mother you are,
Love
Steven Gordon Perry.
I want to thank my mother, for giving birth to me on this day, everything she has done for me, everything she says to me has always been for my best interests at heart.
We don't have a close relationship, but she is someone who i can count on. she is someone who will never judge me, even if she doesn't understand me half the time
Mum i love you with all my heart and soul, because even though in my younger days, you were never there, you're apart of me, you gave me life, you helped me become the person i am to do,
i look for signs of you in other people, the friends i had and have, i had a friend who works her ass off and helps people and asks for nothing in return, that's like you, you ask for nothing
it's not your job, it's not your place to ask for nothing, but you know i'd give you all the money my last pound to make you happy,
Thank you for being the mother you are,
Love
Steven Gordon Perry.
haw haw haw
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After I went home and skyped with Nini and Dennis for a while which was pretty cool, Oh yeah and i'm getting my mother a late mothers day present, i saw it last night big chimp toy monkey that moves it's so fucking ace.
And i'll get her lots of poppys and rose's her favourite kind, and i'll book her a table at her favourite restaurant.:]
It's a pretty nice day in Edinburgh today, i might take Jacky for a long, long long walk !
Oh yeah and i also watched toy story 3, (yes i did cry) i'm a wimp at movies lol
Also i'm stoked for my tattoo, i was going to get a tattoo last thursday, "Grandad" or "Richard Joseph Perry" on my wrist with a baby tear drop...
But i wasn't too sure, because of the font, the meaning hell yeah, i love my Grandad and the tear drop symbolise's i'm always crying for him, but i'm not sure, but that would just be the start of my tattoo's for him.
If you know me you'd know iwant my whole left arm for him.
Kinda weird how im sure on a big script with ink blots down my rib cage, but not a simple name on my wrist lol
I also cleaned my room, it's nice and spick and spannnn.
Gosh i wish Steve would just hurry up with the interview already, he done with lexus, he's always busy on skypeland lol
Oh yeah i updated my writing blog the other day, go check it out haha:)
Oh yeah and i got another hospital appointment for the 11th of april. so that'l be good:] just to talk about stuff
I'm still not sure if i will go to Greece, friends like Kimmi, nini, liam say i should. I guess i should but would it really be best?
maybe i'll just chill on the beach with a fat cig in one hand and monster in the other or i could just swim to the middle east lol?
Anyway ladies and gents, i'm off to go write some shit about life and shit on my blog (shit?) haha
see ya
shout out to Russia by the way;)
PRIVET!
Friday, 16 March 2012
Final thought
I saw my ex posted a blog update the other day titled to my ex's, not sure if i was meant for it, but i completely feel the same way, i'd love to be friends with some ex's in the past. but not right now i need to focus on the friends i have right now. Anyway yes, if you are reading this (my ex) i feel the same like i said to you, there is no reason why we can't be friends. To everyone else reading this, i hope u have a goodnight, i'm away to eat fish and chips and watch a movie,
Also remember what i said in my previous posts, it okay too feel sad. byee!
Also remember what i said in my previous posts, it okay too feel sad. byee!
Jillllie
i be missing jillie right now.
this song is fucking awesome though
its by one of our fav bands:D
see ya later jillie:)
Interview.
So i got a message from a youtube star, well kinda, he wants to interview me via Skype, i can't wait it'l be hella fun ! everyone go check him out :]
Truth is.
Sometimes in life we need to break a cycle to move on. Sometimes we are delt with situations that arise even if it is for the worst or for the good. It's like you are given a piece of towel to put over your eyes, and you are told to walk, You don't know what will happen but you hope for the best. Sometimes you just have to accept the fate you have made for yourself. It could be the greatest thing you have done in your life, because at the time it's the best idea, but before you end this cycle you must think through it and think is it really worth doing this, it will change everything
It's been like this for so long and my batterys are dead. or it's been like this for so long, i don't know how to live any other way. Sometimes you just have to have trust in yourself that the choice's you have made, will work out for the better. People's problems these days are over thinking needless and pointless situations, it can feel like your head is over spinning with a stupid mental condition (so you are told) but the truth is, that's it, it's all in your head, so you hurt others around you without even realising it.
People fear change, and people hate hurting others it's what makes us human beings, it's what helps us grow as a person, all we can do is learn to nurture ourself in a positive manner and in the most senseable way,
It's okay to act like everything is going to be okay, but whats the point in acting when you could just be there for yourself or have your friends to be there for you aswell, so you can take the real time to look back and think to yourself that you are doing the right thing, or things will get better, it's okay to let your gaurd down, but it depends who you let it down too
for example if you just want to cry and cry and be held by a friend, thats okay, but it depends which friend, because as a friend they won't judge you, they won't pitty or be jealous or whatever
but to a stranger or a fake friendthey might take advantage "aw things will be okay come back to my place;)" you should never be scared to be yourself infront of the people you care for the most
nor should you be scared of playing that acting game so the world won't judge you, the fact is if you have went through something shit, that leaves you so alone you wanna top yourself, and act fine and happy that you are shitting glitter, then people WILL talk, people will be like wtf? he is a weirdo, or they will be polite and say even after all of that ghe is still staying strong
which leads me onto pride, pride is a key, pride is something we love to have and we don't wanna lose our pride, we want it to be sky high right? but if you have done the right choice which suits you, then you won't lose your pride by shedding a tear, you'll be respected by shedding a tear, because atleast you are not a robot.
Im sure if any of you have had to make a tough choice, between a person or a habbit, it can be hard, just have a little bit more faith and love for yourself and youll find your path home, because it's only YOU who can change it, not your brother, sister, uncle or pet rabbit, YOU
thanks for reading..
It's been like this for so long and my batterys are dead. or it's been like this for so long, i don't know how to live any other way. Sometimes you just have to have trust in yourself that the choice's you have made, will work out for the better. People's problems these days are over thinking needless and pointless situations, it can feel like your head is over spinning with a stupid mental condition (so you are told) but the truth is, that's it, it's all in your head, so you hurt others around you without even realising it.
People fear change, and people hate hurting others it's what makes us human beings, it's what helps us grow as a person, all we can do is learn to nurture ourself in a positive manner and in the most senseable way,
It's okay to act like everything is going to be okay, but whats the point in acting when you could just be there for yourself or have your friends to be there for you aswell, so you can take the real time to look back and think to yourself that you are doing the right thing, or things will get better, it's okay to let your gaurd down, but it depends who you let it down too
for example if you just want to cry and cry and be held by a friend, thats okay, but it depends which friend, because as a friend they won't judge you, they won't pitty or be jealous or whatever
but to a stranger or a fake friendthey might take advantage "aw things will be okay come back to my place;)" you should never be scared to be yourself infront of the people you care for the most
nor should you be scared of playing that acting game so the world won't judge you, the fact is if you have went through something shit, that leaves you so alone you wanna top yourself, and act fine and happy that you are shitting glitter, then people WILL talk, people will be like wtf? he is a weirdo, or they will be polite and say even after all of that ghe is still staying strong
which leads me onto pride, pride is a key, pride is something we love to have and we don't wanna lose our pride, we want it to be sky high right? but if you have done the right choice which suits you, then you won't lose your pride by shedding a tear, you'll be respected by shedding a tear, because atleast you are not a robot.
Im sure if any of you have had to make a tough choice, between a person or a habbit, it can be hard, just have a little bit more faith and love for yourself and youll find your path home, because it's only YOU who can change it, not your brother, sister, uncle or pet rabbit, YOU
thanks for reading..
Fuck the rain.
You heard me, fuck. The. Rain.
And Scotland for that matter
Okay today i went to the town, it was nice and sunny, i thought yay i get to wear my new clothes out
done my hair all sexy i felt amazing
step on the bus, RAIN EVERYWHERE im only in a t shirt and jeans
walk off my hair is fucked,
i did manage to take a nice pic though
here r my jeans and t shirt
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And Scotland for that matter
Okay today i went to the town, it was nice and sunny, i thought yay i get to wear my new clothes out
done my hair all sexy i felt amazing
step on the bus, RAIN EVERYWHERE im only in a t shirt and jeans
walk off my hair is fucked,
i did manage to take a nice pic though
here r my jeans and t shirt
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friends who the fuck.... "you know who you are"
^^
yeah that was our song wasn't it?(the title didn't mean anything bad, but the you know who you are bit, is for you) You even had it as your ringtone for me.
First of all if you're reading this, i wish you well, i don't know why i don't tell you this in a message or whatever. Maybe because i am scared ? I guess this is the only place i can do it. Ive tried to take your advice and i can't but can on some of the things, can on the way i act, the future i will make for myself, if you have kept in touch with me like you said you would, look at my blog, then you would know, i've got that college spot, i've got the body i wanted, i've cherished new friends. can't reasons: i can't forget you, i've even tried to hate you, but like i knew, hating someone doesn't help. because it's just a lie to yourself, and i could never hate a person like you. You say nobody compares to you, and it's true. I miss you everyday, i think about you for a while. I try to stay strong, Walking away from the friendship, like a man, like you asked me too. i'm honestly trying, but you have made a mark on my heart. Sure with ex's i always thought to myself meh, it will end one day, but with bestfriend, you. I never thought it would, And i will put my hands up and admit it was my fault, it was my problems, my enimies. But the fact is, people try to drag your name through the mud. I stop them and explain the reasons why, they say oh its childish how she asked you to do that one thing, i stop them and say no, no it wasn't because i broke a promise. I honestly did, and it sucks.
It sucks not to have you in my life, i'm wanting the best for you, and sadly i was never best for you, never ever, i've tried to remember the good times, but i can't even speak to someone from your fucking country. how sad is that? how pathetic is that, because i just see your face and hear your voice. to be honest, because i thought it would be till the end.
i guess it wasn't because of me. i just hope you get the dreams you want, get the fuck out of that job, even though you love it, but you can do better, you can go to uni or college and get the grades and reach the potenial you are supposed too.
I was never a good friend to you, maybe for a month or two but after that, no no way.
You'll always have a place in my heart, because you have made me who i am, you have truley made me who i am. and i'm sorry, but you will always be my bestfriend, take it or leave it, you have to believe me... because no one can compare to you. i wouldn't want someone else anyway.
I will get the tat you designed for me, because of the meaning i love, and because YOU designed it, and one day when or if i can not even get sad about thinking of you, and just smile, and remember the amazing fucking times we had, then i will be proud to show off, the tattoo you made for me.
I have hope we will speak one day, i have hope we can atleast be friends write for a while and then see what happens. But i am not counting on it, you taught me to have a backup plan and my backup plan? just try and move forward what i will do, your with me in spirit you're with me when i go to town, i see stupid fucking russian hats and think of you i even think about buying you stuff to see if you'd like it, but i will respect your choice to leave you peace and harmony.
To be quite honest, this post isn't about me being upset or anything, i just thought you deserved an apology, and will realise that i just haven't threw my feelings away for you. because i do miss you, I MISS YOU!
I had a dream about you the other night, you were sitting, smoking, speaking in your language with a happy grin upon your face, i kneeld down and cryed while you were smoking and said i miss you, will w ever get to talk again? you just smiled said something in your language, i didnt understand, but i did, you said something nice and i just cryed and cuddled you and said you're my bestfriend. goodbye you smiled and gave me a cig and held me cry.. i didn't want to wake up..
It haunts me every single day, it haunts me till i sleep that i let you down, that i broke the promise, if i could reverse time and not be as selfish as i was i would, i am deeply sorry for what i've done and the weight of the guilt will hang on my shoulders till i die. fact.
it's weird because i never felt this for a friend, just friendship, nothing sexual, i thought you were pretty beautiful, but i didn't want anything else, because you are and were like a sister to me, my own fleash and blood, it's weird and il never have that feeling again i think...
You might not even read this, you might be angry, you might even cry, but at least i had the balls to write about how this has effected me, how i miss you, and show'd my feelings and i was even man enough to apologise, even though it wasn't enough i still done it to prove a point.
i hope you think of the good times with us. not the bad, and yes, i check your blog sometimes to see how you are, because i miss you dearly. take care
and follow your dreams.
"life goe's on"
"you I have left my heart black and blue"
"Will you come home and stop this pain tonight?"
"Your My grand father would probably roll in his grave if he knew of that person that You I have became"
<3
15.June,2011 - 4, Febuary,2012
yeah that was our song wasn't it?(the title didn't mean anything bad, but the you know who you are bit, is for you) You even had it as your ringtone for me.
First of all if you're reading this, i wish you well, i don't know why i don't tell you this in a message or whatever. Maybe because i am scared ? I guess this is the only place i can do it. Ive tried to take your advice and i can't but can on some of the things, can on the way i act, the future i will make for myself, if you have kept in touch with me like you said you would, look at my blog, then you would know, i've got that college spot, i've got the body i wanted, i've cherished new friends. can't reasons: i can't forget you, i've even tried to hate you, but like i knew, hating someone doesn't help. because it's just a lie to yourself, and i could never hate a person like you. You say nobody compares to you, and it's true. I miss you everyday, i think about you for a while. I try to stay strong, Walking away from the friendship, like a man, like you asked me too. i'm honestly trying, but you have made a mark on my heart. Sure with ex's i always thought to myself meh, it will end one day, but with bestfriend, you. I never thought it would, And i will put my hands up and admit it was my fault, it was my problems, my enimies. But the fact is, people try to drag your name through the mud. I stop them and explain the reasons why, they say oh its childish how she asked you to do that one thing, i stop them and say no, no it wasn't because i broke a promise. I honestly did, and it sucks.
It sucks not to have you in my life, i'm wanting the best for you, and sadly i was never best for you, never ever, i've tried to remember the good times, but i can't even speak to someone from your fucking country. how sad is that? how pathetic is that, because i just see your face and hear your voice. to be honest, because i thought it would be till the end.
i guess it wasn't because of me. i just hope you get the dreams you want, get the fuck out of that job, even though you love it, but you can do better, you can go to uni or college and get the grades and reach the potenial you are supposed too.
I was never a good friend to you, maybe for a month or two but after that, no no way.
You'll always have a place in my heart, because you have made me who i am, you have truley made me who i am. and i'm sorry, but you will always be my bestfriend, take it or leave it, you have to believe me... because no one can compare to you. i wouldn't want someone else anyway.
I will get the tat you designed for me, because of the meaning i love, and because YOU designed it, and one day when or if i can not even get sad about thinking of you, and just smile, and remember the amazing fucking times we had, then i will be proud to show off, the tattoo you made for me.
I have hope we will speak one day, i have hope we can atleast be friends write for a while and then see what happens. But i am not counting on it, you taught me to have a backup plan and my backup plan? just try and move forward what i will do, your with me in spirit you're with me when i go to town, i see stupid fucking russian hats and think of you i even think about buying you stuff to see if you'd like it, but i will respect your choice to leave you peace and harmony.
To be quite honest, this post isn't about me being upset or anything, i just thought you deserved an apology, and will realise that i just haven't threw my feelings away for you. because i do miss you, I MISS YOU!
I had a dream about you the other night, you were sitting, smoking, speaking in your language with a happy grin upon your face, i kneeld down and cryed while you were smoking and said i miss you, will w ever get to talk again? you just smiled said something in your language, i didnt understand, but i did, you said something nice and i just cryed and cuddled you and said you're my bestfriend. goodbye you smiled and gave me a cig and held me cry.. i didn't want to wake up..
It haunts me every single day, it haunts me till i sleep that i let you down, that i broke the promise, if i could reverse time and not be as selfish as i was i would, i am deeply sorry for what i've done and the weight of the guilt will hang on my shoulders till i die. fact.
it's weird because i never felt this for a friend, just friendship, nothing sexual, i thought you were pretty beautiful, but i didn't want anything else, because you are and were like a sister to me, my own fleash and blood, it's weird and il never have that feeling again i think...
You might not even read this, you might be angry, you might even cry, but at least i had the balls to write about how this has effected me, how i miss you, and show'd my feelings and i was even man enough to apologise, even though it wasn't enough i still done it to prove a point.
i hope you think of the good times with us. not the bad, and yes, i check your blog sometimes to see how you are, because i miss you dearly. take care
and follow your dreams.
"life goe's on"
"
"Will you come home and stop this pain tonight?"
"
<3
15.June,2011 - 4, Febuary,2012
Thursday, 15 March 2012
You keep tellin' everyone, that i'm sick in the head. I ain't sick bitch, stick to your meds, you even tried to bite my shit with MEST, but I fucked up your rep, the music your livin' is the music you hate.
"Some say there's two sides to a story, more like two knives don't you worry, two guys when we're done they'll be buried"
Wednesday, 14 March 2012
ONE DAY THEY'LL SEE, IT WAS ALWAYS ME.
"You have let me down, one too many times. Someway, somehow we've falling out, caught inbetwen my eniemies. No way not now, I won't back
Down i draw the line at you and me. You're what i started, now disregard it, ONE DAY THEY'LL
SEE, IT WAS ALWAYS ME, ONE DAY THEY'LL SEE IT WAS ALWAYS ME!"
What i bought today:]
So i spent arround £255 on t shirts today lol, was a great day, still need to get jeans though
i got these
i got these
I got a new bullet belt and studded belt:]
..
so i done goof'd:P
now to buy jeans hmm...
Tuesday, 13 March 2012
I can buy and sell your sweet ass.
Hold up wait a minute put a little Stevie in it;)
Won £540 :) plus i get two hundred this week 700, thanks god:)
Won £540 :) plus i get two hundred this week 700, thanks god:)