Happy st ....

Oh....

Having a latte.

I just got back from Kimmi's college. She asked me to drop off her book for revision so I did... I thought I fancy a wee latte.. And a blueberry muffin.. So I done it. I haven't updated in ages. I just haven't wanted to to be honest.

I'm still in DBT and I have learned I am quick to criticise myself.. I feel I could be doing better. But I'm getting told I'm doing amazing work.. I finished my first modual.. Now it's onto emotional regulation.. Last week we learned about positive reinforcement... That was easy I could have done it with my eyes closed..

The weekend my favourite team lost our cup final... And I've been il for weeks... Back and fourth to doctors and he just says same thing, not a virus so couldn't give me meds so I had to buy my own...

I got a haircut, it's much shorter. So I will show you that later... I've got another 10/11 months of DBT... I'm also going to be doing my driving lessons on the side now. Also as from my previous post a boy I knew died. He was such a nice laddie tae me... He kicked my ass at Fifa too... I think I got drunk with him and Liam and others on scotch once.. That was the night his mate bit the head off a cricket LOL!

I also saw some people from my past yesterday, freaked me out but as we have learned in DBT it's the past and we stay in the present... He was nice but.. I think I'm just going to leave that friendship in the past.... Maybe in the future it can be different?

I wish I could give you guys updates of my life without my typing. It's so boring to type! 

My shoe has a hole in it.. Note to self buy new dcs.....

So

Doing DBT

While learning theory work for driving

Book driving lessons

And

.

.

Learn to improve my mindfulness.

Bye

Rest in Peace Matthew.

Matthew, these are just a few words for you. Even though we were not friends  and we only met once or twice I just wanted to pay my respects, the year is 2011 and its around May/juneish time. I go through to Livingston with a mutual friend and I am really nervous because I didn't know how to make friends, you and the lads were kind enough to speak to me and make me feel welcomed. I will never forget that. We played online on Xbox a few times aswell. My only regret is we didn't hang out more. A lot of people will miss you and whatever you were going through you are at peace now. Thank you for being kind to me and thank you for welcoming me. Rest in peace Matthew Elmer and God bless,

- Steven x

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F

A

S

T

- NEXT.

Getting there.

I feel as if I'm making slow, slow progress it's funny I never knew other people felt the same.. I deserve to win

Fuckers 

Football.

Well me and Kimmi went to the football last Friday. Hibernian (hibs) vs St Johjnstone. And we won! Hibs won 2-1. We are now in the cup final and will go to the national stadium to play Ross County who deafeated Celtic 3-1. That's a big shock.

The game was played in Edinburgh, but at our rivals hearts (such a gay name) stadium. The stadium is small and Maroon and crap really.. LOL we were sat near the away fans. Well st Johnstone fans. Who were shouting shit at us. We shouted back! 

One of the guys had a really big nose, and a hibs fan shouted "Oi, Oi beaky, your nose is fucking big" LOL! He wasn't happy. Even Kimmi gave them the finger! But it was all in good fun.. Er I think...

Our seats.. And the st Johnstone fans on the left...

Hibs sign...

St Johnstone fans...

I didn't tell you did I?

Before the game I booked one ticket for this game. Because I thought Kim would want to go to another game... Turns out the other game was not available to people who haven't enough points.. So o went on a hibs forum, and saw a thread titled spare ticket for st Johnstone game... There were 13 thousand tickets available for hibs fans and it was ALL sold out.. So it gave information on the ticket saying the stand it was in... My ticket I bought for me was Weatfield stand, section G, row 5 and seat 1 so I thought hey same stand maybe the ticket will be near me. Turns out and I kid you not. Stand Weatfield, section G, row 5 and seat 2. Do you understand the chances of this? 1 in 13,000.. Insane huh. So we saw it as a sign and I bought the ticket. And Kimmi enjoyed herself. I did too.. I stole gloves.. Yes anyway LOL...

So tomorrow I have DBT.. I hate getting up early... But hey. Fun.. I get up with Kim because she has college. She's doing good in childcare:)

Gotta go shower.

Bye 

Fuckers

DBT.

So I've been to two sessions of DBT and I find it interesting and kind of helpful. The  homework is very difficult. But I believe I am making progress. I bought a folder and poly pockets and have everything in their little place. 

My folder is black by the way. I've been learning about mindfulness and basically noticing things around me. I really find it hard to concentrate and take in new information but really want to do this so badly. I am but still having difficulty doing it.

Next week we learn about interpersonal relationships and communication I believe. 

I said to Kimmi, it's crazy how you've just learned all these things without really thinking about it. I haven't. Don't you find that weird? She agreed that she had learned them and I haven't so much but believes I can. And I do, if truth be told blogger, my self confidence when it comes to learning is on the floor. Covered in leaves and mud... I want to learn, I want believe I can. But I just have so many negatives around my mind. I have no confidence... But I'm sure with time I will get the results I want

It's like Joanne says (she's my DBT therapist) everyone in the group are on their own personal journey and path ways. You are too Stevie) and she's right.

Yesterday me and Kimmi were looking around at banks yesterday. We want to open up a saving account... Thing is we are really bad reckless spenders. Me worse.. I went to asda to spend £8 on an hdmi cable.. I ended up spending £60 on candy.. Spending makes me happy, powerful, hyper... But whenever I have it in my hands after words. I feel sad, bad, upset and angry at myself. So anyway moving on

The account you have to take a blue piece of paper (I don't know what it is called) and since it is a couple's both of us have to be their with ID and write our signatures.. So I can't just go to the bank lift the money by myself... So it's good. Always good to have a rainy day fund... 

I need to calm down. One thing I have been doing is making all these plans.. Learning to drive. Taking a part time college course (German, I want to learn German so I can watch German to shows on my tv.. Possibly Finnish/Swedish too) I like the Finnish and Swedish Tv channels. Tv6 always  shows the Simpsons and scrubs but with  Swedish subtitles and oddly enough an advert of gambling with christiano Ronaldo..

Anyway we have been watching a lot of Skins... I've been watching making a murderer on Netflix.. Only two episodes but it's interesting. Anyway I'm ending this blogpost for now.. I might even take a break from blogging... Have some pictures 

Wish me luck...