Getting there.

I feel as if I'm making slow, slow progress it's funny I never knew other people felt the same.. I deserve to win

Fuckers 

Football.

Well me and Kimmi went to the football last Friday. Hibernian (hibs) vs St Johjnstone. And we won! Hibs won 2-1. We are now in the cup final and will go to the national stadium to play Ross County who deafeated Celtic 3-1. That's a big shock.

The game was played in Edinburgh, but at our rivals hearts (such a gay name) stadium. The stadium is small and Maroon and crap really.. LOL we were sat near the away fans. Well st Johnstone fans. Who were shouting shit at us. We shouted back! 

One of the guys had a really big nose, and a hibs fan shouted "Oi, Oi beaky, your nose is fucking big" LOL! He wasn't happy. Even Kimmi gave them the finger! But it was all in good fun.. Er I think...

Our seats.. And the st Johnstone fans on the left...

Hibs sign...

St Johnstone fans...

I didn't tell you did I?

Before the game I booked one ticket for this game. Because I thought Kim would want to go to another game... Turns out the other game was not available to people who haven't enough points.. So o went on a hibs forum, and saw a thread titled spare ticket for st Johnstone game... There were 13 thousand tickets available for hibs fans and it was ALL sold out.. So it gave information on the ticket saying the stand it was in... My ticket I bought for me was Weatfield stand, section G, row 5 and seat 1 so I thought hey same stand maybe the ticket will be near me. Turns out and I kid you not. Stand Weatfield, section G, row 5 and seat 2. Do you understand the chances of this? 1 in 13,000.. Insane huh. So we saw it as a sign and I bought the ticket. And Kimmi enjoyed herself. I did too.. I stole gloves.. Yes anyway LOL...

So tomorrow I have DBT.. I hate getting up early... But hey. Fun.. I get up with Kim because she has college. She's doing good in childcare:)

Gotta go shower.

Bye 

Fuckers

DBT.

So I've been to two sessions of DBT and I find it interesting and kind of helpful. The  homework is very difficult. But I believe I am making progress. I bought a folder and poly pockets and have everything in their little place. 

My folder is black by the way. I've been learning about mindfulness and basically noticing things around me. I really find it hard to concentrate and take in new information but really want to do this so badly. I am but still having difficulty doing it.

Next week we learn about interpersonal relationships and communication I believe. 

I said to Kimmi, it's crazy how you've just learned all these things without really thinking about it. I haven't. Don't you find that weird? She agreed that she had learned them and I haven't so much but believes I can. And I do, if truth be told blogger, my self confidence when it comes to learning is on the floor. Covered in leaves and mud... I want to learn, I want believe I can. But I just have so many negatives around my mind. I have no confidence... But I'm sure with time I will get the results I want

It's like Joanne says (she's my DBT therapist) everyone in the group are on their own personal journey and path ways. You are too Stevie) and she's right.

Yesterday me and Kimmi were looking around at banks yesterday. We want to open up a saving account... Thing is we are really bad reckless spenders. Me worse.. I went to asda to spend £8 on an hdmi cable.. I ended up spending £60 on candy.. Spending makes me happy, powerful, hyper... But whenever I have it in my hands after words. I feel sad, bad, upset and angry at myself. So anyway moving on

The account you have to take a blue piece of paper (I don't know what it is called) and since it is a couple's both of us have to be their with ID and write our signatures.. So I can't just go to the bank lift the money by myself... So it's good. Always good to have a rainy day fund... 

I need to calm down. One thing I have been doing is making all these plans.. Learning to drive. Taking a part time college course (German, I want to learn German so I can watch German to shows on my tv.. Possibly Finnish/Swedish too) I like the Finnish and Swedish Tv channels. Tv6 always  shows the Simpsons and scrubs but with  Swedish subtitles and oddly enough an advert of gambling with christiano Ronaldo..

Anyway we have been watching a lot of Skins... I've been watching making a murderer on Netflix.. Only two episodes but it's interesting. Anyway I'm ending this blogpost for now.. I might even take a break from blogging... Have some pictures 

Wish me luck...

First day.

So today was my first day of DBT and yes it was scary and yes I am still confused at what I should be learning and yes it is really hard. Thank god I am seeing Joanne tomorrow. I kinda felt i didn't need to be there and it was a waste of time and I'm too stupid to learn this stuff but I know it's my avoiding behaviour talking.... I've been giving homework to do so i will try and make sense of that.... I hope I can get this stuff..I am sure I will :)

New Start.

So today is my first session of DBT. Nervous but you know that is normal. Not sure what to expect... I'm standing waiting on the bus thinking I wish I could drive. I need to start my lessons soon! Oh god here comes the bus !!! Bye for now 

Fuckers

Our Christmas present.

So me and Kimmi got our Christmas present from Kims brother Sean and his girlfriend Shannon. It is a really special gift to us.

As you know Kimmi and I lost our pet rats Bailey and Nason last September. They were our pets of three years. We loved them and still miss them, the house still feels lonely without them.. Anyway, Sean and Shannon are artists. In fact they are fantastic artists. And well a picture says a million words...

For now they are where they're cage used to be and its lovely to look at them and remember them... But soon they will be high up on our wall. God bless wee beautiful laddies. X 

Thanks again Sean and Shannon x 

2000 tv channels and a diary?

Hello blogger land. How are you?

Right now I am watching tv, my favourite tv channel CI... Crime and investigation. I like it :) so basically I have 2000 to channels from all over the world. From uk, Russia, America, France, Norway, turkey, Sweden, Italy and Germany and many more... This is what I sent to Sean, Kimmi's brother cause' I want to help him get it for himself... So it's a copy in paste. If you want it leave a comment and I will get in touch with you here we go listen very carefully "The tv I have has an app called smart iptv which acts as a media player in a way. What you do is you upload your tele's MAC address which is basically like an IP address of the tv. To the smart iptv website.. So you can send information to your tv from your pc/laptop... What is the information? Codes, urls and names. So I'm sending streaming codes to my tv. I upload a m3u file which has been sent to me by a streaming provider which gives

Me 2000 channels. From the U.K., France, USA, Sweden, turkey and oddly Romania and Germany. What are the channels? All British, Italian and German sky channels. Yes some are not perfect but the provider will fix the buffering or sticking. Instead of paying a huge sky bill of £80 a month I pay £11 a month of £66 a year... They also unlock all the premium channels like sports and movie channels. Most in HD aswell. It's amazing." Here are a few pictures..

So that's it. Yes you can google search the URL's yourself, and yes they are easy to find. I'm not going to name the streaming service unless I get a comment.. No need to advertise for them.. So at £11 €15 a month or £66 €90 a year, you can't complain. If a channel is broken they fix it too. In HD aswell... :)

Anyway I am starting my DBT in two weeks, the 21st. I was told today I would be the only male... Very scary. Girls can be bitchy right? But let's get one thing straight I'm not their to make friends. Far from it. I'm their for me and no one else. I have been given a daily diary to fill out and I try and work on the targets. What are the targets? Well for me it would be paranoia, avoidance and anger. So if I'm feeling avoidant or angry or paranoid I write down why. And try and use the skills we learn in DBT to help with that. I score my mood of how I was feeling (no I will not share this on blogger) and show it to Joanne and the group. We then talk about how we were. It is once a week. For six months. Then after six months we restart the course again... I am so grateful and very very very lucky to be getting this help: there are only two places that offer DBT in Scotland, Midlothian and Fife. I can not fuck this up. Even though in my head and heart I'm screaming don't go, don't do this, request to be taken off the list, lie and say you're too sick and you're moving away, Worrying I might fancy someone the group.. Worrying I will dump Kim, pushing Kim, family away, what if I argue with a member... The old me from years ago would have believed this and just gave up... But I now know that it is avoidance behaviour because I am scared. But the first meeting is always the worst. I will be fine. I bet they don't even give a shit what I say or feel because they are they're to get better. Basically any excuse, like what if I miss a bus and I'm late and they hate me. Or what if Isis blow the place up. I will worry about... It's avoidance. So now I know my feelings. And I will talk about them. I guess I've grew up and recognised my feelings... Here is the diary (blank) 

And the back... (The skills)...

So... This is a positive towards my goal, my first dream. A life with Kim, my second dream a dog trainer/consultant my other dream I can't really name names.... But my most important dream a child one day. 

Anyway, I was also told to register at this group. They go outings, and do gardening and creative writings, art and you meet other people. It sounds cool. So I will do this:) I will make blogs about that..

I know this might seem a bit odd, but I watched my first hockey game the other day and I liked it! It was so cool .. 

Anyway, that's it for me, thanks for reading:) remember if you need help with that iptv stuff message me:) bye!

Fuckers.