Birthday week!

So Wednesday is my birthday. Not excited at all lmao. Don't wanna be old ahhh! 

On crutches

I'm on god damn crutches! 

I have bruising and torn a Legiment around my knee cap

Kim helped me a lot. Big news coming up too! Watch out for that 

Nothing serious, just to put pressure off my leg. Been in agony!

Mess.

"Mess"

Talk to me now while I'm sober
The way that you look
I know it's almost over
The fighting has stopped
But I'm still so lost
will you bring me in

Shame creeps down my spine
Like the blade of a knife
And it's taking it's time
Will you wait for me
Cause now I can't breathe
The air runs thin

I'm another lush
I'm another liar
How will I stop
When will I start learning

Will I come clean to say that I'm wrong
I'm the best kind of mess (Yeah, yeah)
I'm the best kind of mess
I'm the best kind of mess
I'm the best kind of mess

You know that it hurts so bad
I wish I could stop
But I'm so used to sad
You asked me to leave
So now I believe
That I'm shut out

Now I'm taking this pill just to mend it
I'm not calling the shots
I'm just calling it quits
Would you love me, would you hold me
This wreck I am

I'm another lush
I'm another liar
How will I stop
When will I start learning

Will I come clean to say that I'm wrong
I'm the best kind of mess (Yeah, yeah)
How will I stop
When will I start learning
Will I come clean to say that I'm wrong
I'm the best kind of mess (Yeah, yeah)
I'm the best kind of mess

I forget, I'm upset
With watching her fall out of love
Is this a test, cause I'm depressed
By watching her fall out of love

How will I stop
When will I start learning

Will I come clean to say that I'm wrong
I'm the best kind of mess (Yeah, yeah)
How will I stop
When will I start learning
Will I come clean to say that I'm wrong
I'm the best kind of mess (Yeah, yeah)
I'm the best kind of mess
I'm the best kind of mess
I'm the best kind of mess
I'm the best kind of mess

You know that it hurts so bad...

All over again....

If my life was like a song

Happy, sad, not right or wrong
It would be all in the words…there
Swim a river’s length to be
Won’t stop till I reach the sea
Sooner or later I’ll get there
I swear
Life is not a rehearsal, don’t look back
You may lose what you dream
You can’t pause a decision, or change track,
When you don’t know what you mean.

If the stars tomorrow, no longer shine on us,
If a strong wind blows me, I will not make a fuss
You will be the reason, you will be the reason to start,
To start all over again.
If the sky clouds over, with darkness never gone,
If the sun stays hidden, not waking in the dawn,
You will be the reason, you will be the reason to start,
To start all over again.

Hearts fly high just like a bird, songs they sing are never heard. When it is cold in the soul, there. Life is never just a race every heart falls from grace but it will never give up there I swear 

I would run through the night in the darkness you are the sunshine that I see no one can stop my heart being restless here are the words that I speak

If the stars tomorrow no longer shine on us If a strong wind blows me, I will not make a fuss
You will be the reason, you will be the reason to start,
To start all over again.
If the sky clouds over, with darkness never gone,
If the sun stays hidden, not waking in the dawn,
You will be the reason, you will be the reason to start,
To start all over again.
To start all over again.
To start all over again.
To start all over again.
To start all over again.
To start all over again.

I love you Mila.

Thank You!!!!!!!

Three years ago next week will be three years my dad got diagnosed with cancer... Three years. Since my father bet cancer. My dad fucking malled it like a Rottweiler. My dad was given six to eight weeks to live.... If the cancer had been anywhere else I don't know what or where I would've been because since it was in his neck, it couldn't spread. 

Now fast forward three years later, he's working, fatter, got Mila and Alleigh is on her way in July (please don't steal my birthday Alleigh, be a good niece, July 1st)

I still remember the day, the time and how I felt when Kimmi told me... My mum had been violently drunk... Told Kimmi.., I knew something was up, my mum had begged Kimmi to say nothing.... But in Greece I knew something was up. Dad was really skinny, not eating.., in fact I remember when we had our dinners and my brother said to my dad I remember when I was young I wanted to be like you and finish your dinner now you can't... We never knew then.... We just though it was stomach problems...

I questioned Kimmi, what's wrong with my mum?! Why is she crying and I was getting angry.. She turns round in my room and says it's not your mum, I said what? Really confused.... She said its your dad Steven... I said what?! the next four words broke my heart into a million pieces..... "He has cancer Steven" my face went chalk white, I got my shoes on and ran to his house just across the road... I broke down on the ground outside... Kim, my rock picked me up. We went to my room at my parents and I just cried in her arms all night, all night I cried until I fell asleep in her arms... The day after i can't remember....

I left Edinburgh because I couldn't see my dad as ill as he was, I wasn't strong, I can deal with, anything apart from my family dying, I've been to a cancer unit before, I'm the hospital it's all old people right? Wrong, far from it. The scary thing is, these brave bastards, these amazing people who fight this fucking disgusting illness are 25, 30, 40.... To 50/60.. It's mostly young males and females... It's a horrible place to be in....

That's why my dad will be my number one hero... Thank you dad. 

Safe

So Mila is safe out of hospital. We know the cause and what to do. She's doing fine. I bought her a mini mouse:)

This song has meaning to me.

If my life was like a song

Happy, sad, not right or wrong
It would be all in the words…there
Swim a river’s length to be
Won’t stop till I reach the sea
Sooner or later I’ll get there
I swear
Life is not a rehearsal, don’t look back
You may lose what you dream
You can’t pause a decision, or change track,
When you don’t know what you mean.

If the stars tomorrow, no longer shine on us,
If a strong wind blows me, I will not make a fuss
You will be the reason, you will be the reason to start,
To start all over again.
If the sky clouds over, with darkness never gone,
If the sun stays hidden, not waking in the dawn,
You will be the reason, you will be the reason to start,
To start all over again.

Hearts fly high just like a bird, songs they sing are never heard. When it is cold in the soul, there. Life is never just a race every heart falls from grace but it will never give up there I swear 

I would run through the night in the darkness you are the sunshine that I see no one can stop my heart being restless here are the words that I speak 

If the stars tomorrow no longer shine on us I f a strong wind blows me, I will not make a fuss
You will be the reason, you will be the reason to start,
To start all over again.
If the sky clouds over, with darkness never gone,
If the sun stays hidden, not waking in the dawn,
You will be the reason, you will be the reason to start,
To start all over again.
To start all over again.
To start all over again.
To start all over again.
To start all over again.
To start all over again.

Sad.

As you all know I've been very sad the past few days. I'm trying to cheer myself up. But there's so many things happening right now. My heads in a mess. So worried, so I worried for my family right now.

Not in the best of moods

I'm not in the best of moods. We are still in Edinburgh, Mila is out of hospital and getting better. I won't discuss anything online here... There's a lot of things I can't say on here, out of respect. I hate that. It's my blog. But you have to have manners. Bite your tounge. Bottle things up and sweep them under the rug. C'est la vie... I'm not in a happy mood obviously more like a fucking pissed mood. I do enjoy reading my little blogs on here of who I follow. Just wish I could reverse time and change things. I am sorry. And I need you.

Bye for now.